Carole Robin
Author & Stanford Lecturer at Stanford GSB / Leaders in Tech
Taught Stanford GSB's legendary 'Touchy Feely' (Interpersonal Dynamics) course for over 20 years; founded Leaders in Tech nonprofit bringing these lessons to tech leaders; author of Connect, distilling decades of relationship-building insights.
Dimension Profile
Key Themes
Episode Summary
Carole Robin, who taught Stanford's legendary 'Touchy Feely' course for 20+ years and authored Connect, shares transformative insights on interpersonal dynamics and effective leadership communication. She introduces the three realities framework for difficult conversations, explains why confusing judgments with feelings is the root cause of failed feedback, and provides practical techniques like avoiding 'why' questions to prevent defensiveness.
Leadership Principles
- → 'I feel that you don't care' and 'I feel you're being insensitive' are not feelings — confusing judgments with feelings is where we make our biggest feedback mistakes
- → Ask questions that start with what, when, where, how — stay away from why, which triggers defensiveness
- → We're often trapped in mental models formed when we were younger that now limit our potential and our ways of seeing the world
Notable Quotes
"'I feel that you don't care' and 'I feel you're being insensitive' are not feelings, and that's where we make our biggest mistakes when it comes to feedback."
— On the most common error in giving feedback
"Questions that start with what, when, where, how. Stay away from why."
— On how to avoid triggering defensiveness in conversations
"Even more rewarding for me are the, 'I'm pretty sure your class just saved my marriage.'"
— On the real-world impact of her interpersonal dynamics course
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